eHarmony Review

eHarmony.com is not your father’s dating site. They’re out to match you for life based on sophisticated algorithms using your profile data.

Review by

Will you marry me Billboard

So I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing online dating sites that have a cult following, little notoriety and cheesy gimmicks to attract members. I felt like it was time for me to really get in the game, so to speak, and review arguably the most popular online dating site out there today: eHarmony.com. eHarmony has some big shoes to fill right off the bat. They claim to be the first of the dating websites to use a “scientific approach” to matchmaking and assert from the get go that their mission is to help me find love. Well, eHarmony, that makes two of us. See the detailed eHarmony dating site review below for my completely-subjective-totally-unscientific impressions.

Gut Reaction:

The picture that met me on the eHarmony.com login page was of an attractive young couple, but there was something special about these people that gave eHarmony a leg up on the competition. Rather than being a stock image, these two people (Kristina and Scott, in case you were wondering) were actually matched by eHarmony.com. Dating online is inherently met with a level of skepticism, but I have to say that showing me actual singles who meet people on the site gives me a confidence that I don’t necessarily have going into other online dating websites. It also doesn’t hurt that eHarmony is one of only a handful of dating sites that advertises nationally, most notably using commercials, along with competitors Match.com and Chemistry.com.

eHarmony Site Screen Shot

I knew going into my eHarmony review that the juggernaut was not a free dating site, so I was prepared to whip out a credit card. Instead, banners littered the screen telling me that with the new year approaching, it was time for a “free communication event” which allows new users to access the single chat functions of the site for free. Guess I picked a good time to poke around – free online dating is always more exciting than paid online dating.

Signing Up:

The first thing that caught my eye was that the default for eHarmony.com asked if I was a “woman” seeking a “man.” This isn’t noteworthy except that on literally every other online dating website I’ve visited, the default was the reverse. My guess is that more women feel compelled to use eHarmony over other dating websites because there’s a level of expertise attached to the site’s matchmaking services.

So began my journey deep into the “comprehensive relationship questionnaire” (read: exhaustive list of questions aimed at determining the best single match for me.) After I got through the basics, some of the questions included How satisfied are you with your physical appearance?, How important is your match’s spirituality to you?, and What’s your income? After I got through all these types of queries, I started on the “range” questions, that is, those that asked me to select a number on a scale to determine how well a sentence described me.

These ranged from questions about my anger levels to ones about my moral compass. It. Was. Exhausting. All in all, the personality tests took me over 40 minutes to fill out, so don’t start this project if you’re not mentally and physically ready to devote a couple of hours to on line dating on eHarmony.com.

After the Login:

Finally I got in and after all that, when I viewed the profile tab, it was only 22% complete! My initial thoughts on design were that the site was nicely laid out. Nothing too different from the other popular online dating sites I’ve visited, but good organization: tabs at the top with Matches, Profile, Reports, and Settings, a small screenshot of my profile as it appears to other singles, and other sections for things like “who’s viewed me?” and “premium membership.”

I immediately headed to the reports section to find out what could possibly be in there. Book reports? Tax assessments? No, it was just my personality profile, as determined by the eHarmony online dating service. My report was quite extensive and spoke to pretty much every level of my personality and interaction with others, but I have to be honest and say it wasn’t 100% on the mark. I felt that at times it described my personality in more black and white terms that I believe it to be, but hey, eHarmony does claim to be the preeminent dating service expert. Perhaps they know something I don’t.

I spent a good while pouring over the results and contemplating aspects of my own personality, rather than just that of my potential mate. This is the first time since beginning my foray into dating online that I’ve found myself in a state of reflection, which says a lot for the caliber of what eHarmony offers. A dating site that encourages me to truly think in deeper terms about the whole experience can’t possibly be a waste of time. Or can it?

My Matches:

Oh, eHarmony. You had me, hook line and sinker, and I was ready to buy whatever you were selling. I honestly couldn’t wait to dive in and see who the dating website thought would be my (first) husband, and there they were: two matches. TWO. Now, I understand that my personality profile may have said a few unflattering things about who I tend to be, some fair and some not. But really, two singles? Herein lies the biggest flaw of eHarmony – they don’t let you do any of the matching yourself. As seen from the thousands of marriages that come from the large dating site, this method really does work, but if you’re one of the unlucky souls who doesn’t fit nicely into the “friendly and pretty and likes long walks on the beach” category, the eHarmony dating site has a much harder time determining who can, well, put up with you. Once I went through those 2 guys (who were actually pretty cute and well matched for me, at least on paper), I literally had nowhere else to go. I couldn’t scroll through other single men or reach out to someone outside my comfort zone because eHarmony wouldn’t even let me see people it didn’t feel were suited for me. My only option was to go back and edit my profile to make myself more appealing, both to other local singles and to the eHarmony.com algorithms. The problem is, once I start altering my profile, I’m no longer being honest to the process or about who I really am which kind of defeats the purpose.

Screen Cap of eHarmony My Matches Page

Pay to Play:

Even though I didn’t pay a dime to sign up for the site initially, I knew that eHarmony was not about free Internet dating. Though not overly expensive, eHarmony’s rates were a little higher than I’d seen on other singles dating sites, ranging from about $20 to $60 per month, depending on the length of the contract. It’s really nice that eHarmony offers these “free communication events” every now and then as they really help you get your feet wet without suffering buyer’s remorse.

Summary:

I wanted to be totally bowled over during my eHarmony.com review, I really did. I have heard so much about the process and the matchmaking abilities over the years and I was truly excited to try it out for myself. The dating site had more glowing testimonials than your average Sham Wow infomercial, and I was just convinced that eHarmony was going to find me love. What I was unprepared for was the silent assertion by eHarmony.com that I am, quite possibly, unlovable – there are just no single men out there well suited for me because perhaps I just don’t need to be in a relationship. Without being overly dramatic or depressing, these are the honest feelings I was left with after visiting eHarmony, and they didn’t exactly inspire me to go back. I do have a very strong feeling, however, that if I’d been matched with more people and the site had been more useful to me, it would have been a slam dunk. Some of the biggest things I learned during my dating site review were:

  • eHarmony isn’t kidding when it says it’s “comprehensive.” The profile section takes longer to get through than a Francis Ford Coppola movie, but it does a reasonably good job of pegging your traits and potential matches.
  • The dating website template at eHarmony is a little less exciting than some of the best online dating sites as there aren’t that many extra features or fun functionalities.
  • Don’t expect free dating services from eHarmony.com. They offer premium matchmaking services and you’re going to have to pay for them if you want to really exhaust the site.
  • Your matches, the number and quality, depend entirely to the answers you give on your profile. Users should be honest, but also expect to be disappointed if their personality is not one of the easiest to match.

I would absolutely go back to eHarmony.com again. I liked the site – the feel, the layout, and the integrity behind it – I just didn’t like my own, personal results. I think the next time I’ll go into the questionnaire a bit more jaded but a bit less hard on myself knowing that my answers will really limit the matches if I don’t choose them carefully. I wouldn’t say it was a wasted afternoon, but I would say that it may have been better spent organizing my winter closet or Keeping Up With the Kardashians …

Join

eHarmony Profile

Website

eharmony.com

Total members

33 million

Features

eharmony mobile apps (iPhone, iPad, Android)

Geography
  • US
  • Canada
  • UK
  • Australia
Language

English

Membership Type

$19.95

Membership Benefits

There are 2 kinds of memberships,

  • Basic
  • Total connect

Basic Plan price

  • 12 Months : $19.95/mo
  • 6 Months : $29.95/mo
  • 3 Months : $39.95/mo
  • 1 Month : $59.95/mo
  • Features

    • Be able to view match photos
    • Be able to request photos from your matches
    • See "who's viewed your profile"
    • Send/Recieve Communication request

    • Total Connect Plan price

      • 12 Months : $23.95/mo
      • 6 Months : $33.95/mo
      • 3 Months : $44.95/mo

      Features


      Basic Plan features +

      • Premium Personality
      • Profile
      • RelyID
      • Be able to use secure call feature

      Note from DatingSitesXO.com: Prices shown are not necessarily permanent and are subject to change in respect to promotional month, seasonal month and special offers (hint! hint! check our dating coupons page.

Relationships

Straight

How People Connect
  • Using "Compatibility Matching System"
  • Photos
  • Profiles
  • Emails
Free Trial/Coupon

Yes

In eHarmony's own words

At eHarmony, we deliver more than just dates. Our patented Compatibility Matching System® narrows the field from thousands of single men or single women to match with a highly select group of compatible singles -- singles who have been prescreened on 29 Dimensions® of Compatibility: scientific predictors of long-term relationship success. Why spend hours browsing through personal ads and searching the Internet when you don't have to? It's our goal at eHarmony to match you with the best possible person for you and we are eager to provide you with the best dating experience that we possibly can.

Originally Posted

March 28, 2011

Last Revised

January 25, 2014

69 User Reviews

  1. Jake Meier

    After failing to make a connection on OKCupid, I moved on to eHarmony: the great white whale of online dating sites. eHarmony’s different in so many ways that it was a little intimidating, because no matter what you’re used to, it’s going to push you out of your comfort zone a bit. For one thing, you can’t browse other peoples’ profiles. Instead, after filling out a lengthy (really! more than 250 questions, though they’re almost entirely multiple choice and quick) questionnaire, the service looks at your answers, looks at certain preferences you can set (how far away your matches can be, whether you care about race, whether you care if they have children, et cetera), and gives you a list of people the computer says you should be compatible with.

    It has to be a little weird, right, talking to somebody a computer has already determined could be your perfect match.

    I’m one of those people who always want to challenge the phrasing of the question — this was true in school too. Yes, I will complain that there aren’t enough options even when “none of the above” is one of them. I always want to explain my answer. I want to narrate. I was good at essays, and especially term papers. Multiple choice tests just frustrated me, because I was always sure they’d been written badly. (Later in life, I was a teacher for a few years, and I’ll let you in on a secret: many of those multiple choice tests ARE written badly.)

    In the self-description sections of eHarmony’s lengthy questionnaire, I kept running into that problem. These are the questions where they ask whether a certain statement or description of you is true or false, and HOW true, HOW false. Does “dominant” generally describe me, on a scale of 1 to 7? Well, the answer in the bedroom isn’t the same as the answer on the street, you know? Am I frugal? I drive a car with good gas mileage and I make almost all my food from scratch, but I own more than 400 DVDs. I wanted to narrate. I wanted to write essays. But you can’t have a system like this unless it’s working with quantifiable data.

    Other questions were very simple to answer, though — yes, it’s important for me to spend time creating things; yes, I enjoy meeting and talking to new people. There were enough clear-cut questions that I kept going.

    Now, eHarmony has prepared for my difficulty, sort of. If your answers are too inconsistent, they will reject you. That’s right. They get the most press for refusing to match same-sex couples — eHarmony is an explicitly marriage-minded service that was designed to reduce the divorce rate by creating stronger marriages, between people who won’t get sick of each other after two years, and its founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren is an evangelical Christian who used to be a dean at a seminary school. Warren claims his theories, his math, just doesn’t take homosexuality into account, and that no moral judgment is being made. Me … well, I’m straight, so I decided not to worry about it at the moment.

    But eHarmony’ll reject you for other reasons: for being under 21, for being already married (I assume this only matters because of people with open marriages and people who are separated but not yet divorced), and for having been divorced more than twice. Each of those sort of makes some sense. I’m sure that divorce one pisses some people off, but this isn’t a personalized service: if you’ve been divorced three times and you’re back on the dance floor looking for love and need a boost like this to help you, maybe there’s a problem that goes beyond what algorithms can do for you. Maybe there isn’t, but it doesn’t seem any worse than my car insurance going down just because I had a birthday. Stats are stats — Geico’s banking on my unlikelihood of being in an accident, and eHarmony’s banking on their ability to find me a woman.

    Once you’re in — and most people do get in, from what I understand — you fill out a few more things (“Must Haves”/”Can’t Stands”) and then you get your matches. I’ll get to mine in a minute. You can’t get more matches as long as you have unexamined ones sitting in your metaphorical inbox, so from time to time someone will “close communication” with you even though you haven’t started communication yet — they’re just kicking you off the desk so they can see who’s next on eHarmony’s list for them.

    Okay.

    My eHarmony Matches
    It’s weird to say that this is weird, but I’ll cut to the chase: all of my first matches were deeply religious black women.

    Now, I don’t have any problem with that — either with the religiousness or with race (for the record, I’m white and identified myself as such). I expressed no race preference when asked. I expressed no religious preference when asked. I don’t remember the wording of the survey’s questions, but I would have identified myself as Christian, no particular denomination, moderate feelings — and I was asked if church-going was important to me, and I said gave it the lowest possible rating. Other than Christmas, I haven’t been to church in well over a decade.

    All these women in my matches were black women who mentioned God or Jesus in some way, usually along the lines of “I am passionate about wanting to be the kind of wife God wants me to be.”

    That’s fine … and I’m not saying these women don’t belong in my matches. What struck me was how many of them were! When all your matches have two things in common, you reasonably assume that the eHarmony system believes those two things are right for you. The system thinks I want a religious black woman.

    After all the soul-searching I did through that eHarmony multiple choice questionnaire … all the hand-wringing over whether I wanted to answer “4″ or “5″ on a scale of 1 to 7 … they sure found a way to surprise me.

    Is it the site’s quasi-religious origins, and early backing by James Dobson’s Focus on the Family radio show? Is the user base filled with devout Christians, so that these results say nothing about my questionnaire and simply speak to the pool? I don’t know. Even if that were the case … well, I feel like a jerk to keep bringing it up, but what’s with the race thing? I have no problem with dating black women, but when they’re the only options in my matches … it just feels like somebody is trying to tell me something.

    So have I hit it off with any of these women? Well, that’s the thing, I haven’t coughed up the fees yet, which means I can look at my matches but I can’t communicate with anybody.

    But if nothing else, the eHarmony site has made me think about what I’m looking for, and why I’m looking for it, to a much greater degree than other sites did.

  2. Heather

    Dating after you graduate from college can be tricky. You no longer have possible soul mates around you in class. Plus, you will spend most of your time working in your new career with people who the human resources department says you aren’t supposed to date. So what are you supposed to do? Turn to online dating resources like eHarmony?

    The famous eHarmony TV commercial with Dr. Neil Clark Warren claims that you will be matched based on 29 dimensions of compatibility. Nobody knows what crazy algorithm they use to create matches, but they do require a great deal of information.

    When you sign up for eHarmony you have to answer a questionnaire of what seems like a million questions. They ask you questions about your goals, interests, work life, family life, psychology, etc. The answers require you to rate yourself on a scale.

    You also create your own profile including a picture. You can opt not to upload a picture, but 99.9% of potential dates will want to see a picture of you at some point in the communication process. One great feature is that you can set the visibility of your picture. For example, you can allow all potential matches to see your picture right away or wait until open communication.

    Once you have waded through all the questions and set up your profile you are ready to go. eHarmony has a search button. Every time I clicked on it I would get a message that they couldn’t find any matches at that time. I believe this was because not many men had signed up for eHarmony in my area. (This was in 2004.) Or else my questionnaire determined that I was a complete freak!

    With instant gratification down the toilet, I had to wait for eHarmony to send me matches. After a few days matches started to trickle in. Then the real fun began.

    When you get a match eHarmony sends you an email that gives you the name of the potential match and essentially introduces you to each other. You can view their profile. If you think the guy is a total flake or not your type then you can “close” the match. You can close a match at anytime during the process. When you close a match eHarmony has a list of reasons you can state as to why you closed communication. I’m still looking for the “It’s not you, it’s me” reason. Or you can use the reason of “Other” and leave the match wondering what the heck they did wrong.

    Both parties have the option of beginning communication. In a nutshell the communication process is a set of multiple choice/open ended questions followed by likes/dislikes followed by open communication email through the eHarmony website. Up until this point your match never knows your last name, email, or phone number.

    During the last stage of open communication you can set up a date, give them your real email address, and/or phone number. It’s up to you.

    I used eHarmony off and on from 2004 to 2006. I went on about 15 first dates. 13 of those first dates ended right there. So why did those first dates not lead to more? The major problem I found with eHarmony was that we matched “on paper,” but when we met the chemistry was just not there.

    Typically, my email inbox would ding with a lovely message that eHarmony had found another match for me to review and wanted to make an introduction. I would eagerly look at the potential guy’s profile. If his profile totally blew me away then I would start the communication process. However, most of the time I waited for the guy to start communication.

    We’d answer one another’s multiple choice/open ended questions, likes/dislikes, and then send messages through “open communication.” We’d exchange our real email addresses and send multiple messages. We’d find out that we had similar interests, sense of humor, and background.

    Then we’d be brave and set up a time to meet for lunch, dinner, or a drink after work. I would be excited and think that I could be on the next eHarmony commercial. Then I would meet the guy and quickly realize that my 15 minutes of fame was not going to happen anytime soon.

    Unfortunately, usually the guy would be attracted to me and I didn’t feel the same or vice versa. Once in awhile there would be no attraction on both parties. This was very frustrating because we seemed like soul mates if you looked at our life resumes. There would also be guys who must have lied on their questionnaire because they acted completely different than what their profile stated.

    eHarmony wasn’t a total loss though because the other 2 first dates resulted in a few more dates and a three month relationship. eHarmony is worth a try, but don’t expect it to give you a relationship like the one you see on their TV commercials unless you don’t care about attraction. Plus, the 29 dimension questionnaire is not fool proof because some people lie on it or give answers of the person they wish to be and not the person that they really are.

  3. Kristin

    Members cannot browse for matches like many of the other dating websites. You will not be able to see someone’s profile unless you are matched by the compatibility model. The model matches members based on if their profiles are similar to those of married couples who are very satisfied and report being married to the love of their life. They offer “guided” communication, helping you to break the ice and learn basic things about the other person. eHarmony’s unique process of getting acquainted begins with a series of questions sent via email. It is structured so that members get to know each other slowly and progressively. If your member match does not answer the questions, you will not be able to continue the communications.

    eHarmony service costs more than other dating sites ostensibly because its users want more than just a date. The price is not for the faint at heart. eHarmony members make a true commitment to finding their perfect match. The cost may appear high on the surface, however you have to compare track records. eHarmony has the highest rate of matching now married couples who used a website to find each other. If you are truly looking for the Mr. or Ms. Right, this is the right place for you.

  4. Liora Stein

    I’ve tried my share of online dating; some with interesting results and some disastrous ones as well. My sensibility tells me that people on the Internet are like all people. You can just as easily get hurt by a shyster in your place of worship or the local country club as you can on the Internet. You simply have to apply the same rules of propriety in all places. The danger for you on the Internet is that you have the sensation of anonymity, and you may reveal more about yourself than you would at Ms. Pittypat’s Afternoon Tea. Just keep the rule that if you wouldn’t tell Ms. Pittypat, you ought to keep personal information – personal.

    Although the eHarmony algorithm matches individuals based on personal traits, all online dating sites have a basic social networking profile that you are required to fill out to share your general likes and dislikes with potential romantic partners. A few tips; write your essay in a word processing program first and do a spelling and grammar check before you post it. Make sure your pictures are the same shape they will be displayed in. You can download Paint.Net or GIMP which are free open source photo editing programs. If you don’t have an office suite, try OpenOffice.org, an open source word processing (spreadsheet, database, and presentation) software suite that is free. Make sure that your pictures clearly show your face, and that one of them shows a full length picture. Present your best side of course. Perhaps display yourself in both dressy and casual ways, or participating in your favorite hobby.

    You may be miserably shaking your head back and forth at the screen right now thinking it’s all well and good for me to tell you what tools to use to write your personality profile but what in the world do you say? Well, first of all, this is not a job interview so don’t talk about your work. YOU are NOT your work. Secondly, don’t say what you like to do DESCRIBE what you like to do and what it’s like to be in your company. What was your greatest “aha!” moment? Where did you go for vacation? What did you read that sparked a fire in your soul? How do you express affection? What do you really believe about love? What was the funniest moment of your life? The most embarrassing? The sexiest? The greatest gift given or received?

    Your pictures should be recent. You do not want your date to think that you are the grandfather of the man she thought she was having coffee with. If your picture has more hair than you do, put it in an album, not eHarmony or any other online dating site. If you are ambivalent about dating someone, don’t bother them. Calling for 27 months and having three coffee dates does not a successful romance make; never mind the Pulitzer Prize winning short stories or poetry you inspired. If you aren’t interested, politely say so and move on. If one of your dates offers to prove his claim to a gargantuan phallys right then and there, call your best girlfriend with the Russian accent and have her say “Next!” to inspire you not to give up, there’s a decent date out there somewhere. She’s really good at that and the way she will laugh at THAT story is worth the humiliation of telling it.

    But seriously, dating IS serious business. After all the psycho-babble is over, none of us really like to be alone. We all wish that we had that special one person that shared our view of the world, or better yet, created a better world with us. It sort of begs the question of maybe using one of the more “serious’ online dating sites will serve you better in your quest for your one true love?

    Of all the dating sites available eHarmony touts that their psychometric test produces 29 points of compatibility that can be matched to create the greatest potential for a marital partner. While this may be true, their business practices may make it difficult to take advantage of their superior matching system. eHarmony provides its psychometric test for “free” to potential members and hopes that you will sign up for their upper tier $59.95 a month membership (most other sites charge $19.95 to $36.00 for similar services.) Purchasing multiple months can bring savings and occasionally you can find online coupons that will reduce the expense as well.

    Once you’ve finished taking your test you are matched with other people, both members and non-members alike. Two non- members may be matched to seduce both people to join the service. But, if one takes the incentive and the other does not, then no communication is possible between the two. It’s conceivable that your opportunity for your one true love could be thwarted by this somewhat deceptive marketing practice. You could argue that it isn’t appropriate to match people with potential members without advising them that the party isn’t a member of eHarmony’s network. On the other hand, if you can find the love of your life for a combined $120, what’s to whine about? eHarmony and fate combined can make everything possible, nu?

    In my personal experience with eHarmony I’ve had a number of matches but of perhaps 150 matches in the last three years I have only communicated with a hand full of people. Reasons for rejection abound, but the absolutely funniest one was from Warren in Atlanta. I am almost six feet tall, and Warren was about 5’6”. The reason he gave for not pursuing our perfect match, despite living in the same city was that “the distance between us is too great.” I absolutely howled with laughter on the other end of the monitor. I imagine we would laugh together over many things, but that six inch gap between us may as well be 14,000 miles. Unfortunately, I couldn’t retort “We’re all the same height lying down Darling.”

    It’s easy to reject, it’s easy to imagine that the person you’re communicating with is someone much better than they actually are. What you learn the most about in this process is not another person. You learn more about yourself than you might imagine, and you come to realize the things that you want in another person much more acutely. You come to realize who you are now, and who you aspire to be through the process of preparing a profile about yourself and taking the myriad of tests available on all of these sites. You discover too the impediments that you have constructed in your life to prevent yourself from connecting to others. eHarmony or no eHarmony, I hope you learn how to become your best self and how to overcome the reasons you have for being alone in the first place, as it was after all, a choice.

  5. I think eHarmony is a great place for singles to find the love of their life. You need to be careful when you are a first time user of an online dating service. Some of the other online dating sites don’t screen their applicants as thoroughly as eHarmony does, and as such chances are you might not be as successful. eHarmony also puts out promotional codes that can save you hundreds of dollars every month.

  6. Linda

    I joined eHarmony in July 2006. I went on one crappy date in August where while I did feel like I had things in common w/ the man, I was not attracted to him and he was sort of negative (complained about all past dates all evening) while I am an optimist.

    In Sept I went on another date and we are together to this day! We moved in together about 6 months after meeting and have now lived together a year. He is also a bit negative but I am trying to show him the silver lining I always seem to see in all situations.

    eHarmony really did send me the love of my life and they did it quickly!
    We are now on the success page under “and so many more”-we’re Linda & Roy by the way if you want to see us read my little story.

  7. Daisy

    I am (as all widows/widowers) are the exception to the rule of being alone by choice. We were married for 40 yrs and it’s really tough doing everything alone. I have several single friends, but they all live in another state. I’m not interested in meeting someone to marry them, just to have a companion to do things with, sex could be included in that equation if there’s chemistry. One minute my husband was here and the next minute he was gone. So there is no blueprint of how lonely just the simple things can be day after day. I wish I knew of a “dating service” that did just didn’t think people are going to end up married.
    Liora, your review was very good and very informative.

  8. julie

    I was an eharmony member for a couple of years. I didn’t have luck with it. One thing that I think they should fix is the way they handle closed matches. They seem to still match active members with closed matches, but they can’t communicate with you and you keep wondering why you don’t get a response. I know this because I closed my membership and I asked them if I could take my profile off of their website. They won’t allow you to do that, stating the reason that it’s less work for you if you want to rejoin. I then asked if they match people with those matches that have closed membership. The girl said “not necessarily.” She wouldn’t give me a straight answer, then it all made sense to me, the reasons you seemed to have matches that either would never respond or would sit in your box forever, maybe they’re closed matches, or of course there is the possibility that most men are not attracted to me. I guess that could be. Anyway, this website made me feel bad. It was bad for my self esteem. Men seemed flakey and disinterested. Whether or not it was me, I still think p eople should have the option of completely removing their profiles after they’ve closed, and I also think that it’s unfair to still match people with closed members. That’s my experience.

  9. I N

    eHarmony didn’t have any matches for me. I am a black woman, but maybe I needed to mention religion instead of my hobbies.

  10. englishkid

    E-Harmony is a complete waste of time and money. I found people on there are flakey, shallow, and most of the profiles I was matched with weren’t even paying customers (so they didn’t respond). They just couldn’t match me with anyone I was remotely interested in.

    I’d recommend anyone to think twice, and to try all the other sites first before throwing a lot of money at E-Harmony.

    Watch for the automatic renewal. They’ll bill you for the next month without asking you, then tell you afterwards.

    Very sketchy.

  11. claude badley

    I have played around with eharmony and being that I’m an atheist they wouldn’t even accept me. Now that’s fine, I don’t want a christian woman but why don’t they come out and say it right up front, hypocritical weasels.

  12. Tony

    I cant say that my experience with eharmony has been anything other than disappointing.Out of 500 matches I only made it to the open communication with 3 people .2 lost interest and one stood me up 2 times.Although I closed down quite a few matches,i really cant say that anyone I was matched with appealed to me,nor I to them and I filled out my questionnaire as accurate as possible twice.I am an attractive 42 year old single man,make an excellent income and am told by my friends wives that they are shocked that this is the result.I wont return and wouldn’t recommend this service to anyone.

  13. Mike

    I was on e-harmony for a while and had no luck.I am not a shallow person,but I am in really good shape and most of my matches were with obese women.Yes I could of been great friends with them,but I am looking for a relationship and someone I am attracted to physically.E-harmony does not let you specify physical features for the most part.Well I have found a wonderful woman that I am very much in love with and she was also on e-harmony at the same time I was,the funny thing is we read our profiles and saw that we were a perfect match,we even lived less than one mile from each other,but because she did not want children and I was open to the possibility we were never matched together…go figure..our wedding is set for the summer of 2009.

  14. Heather

    I had great success with e-harmony. My first match request for communication turned out to be my last. We had our first date a few days after being matched and got married 11 months later. He had been on it for a while and had a few unsuccessful dates, but all of them turned out to be friends in the end. I recommend it to friends all the time…

  15. Tod M

    Lmao at anyone that is so low in self esteem or otherwise deficient of looks,body,etc that they have to utilize some lame web site to find “love”…. Look people do not be so lame…. Go out and socialize like the rest of the people in world! Lol have you ever thought that only reason these women and men are even on some lame web service like E Harmony is because they are wholly failing to find someone in real time and that reason is…..????? Do you really want everyone elses rejects?

  16. Kate W.

    I’ve been thinking about trying a dating website and have been shopping around to find where to best put my money. I appreciate the comments as well as the posted reviews online. It helps me out a bunch so I’m not just wasting my time.

    And FYI, Tod M, not all people who sign up for dating websites have low self-esteem. I happen to not have time to go out all over creation and “meet” people. My day is consumed with minutely boring chores of cleaning house and going grocery shopping. I also work hours that are inconvenient for going out until around 1AM in the morning. Plus, I don’t enjoy large crowds of creepy males rubbing up against me at any point in the evening, so I guess that rules out bars and clubs. I like intimacy and I especially like a home cooked meal with a movie in the privacy of my home.

    So, I really think it has to deal with more people like myself who are just looking to see what’s out there and are completely clueless as to where to meet others of the opposite sex after college.

    =)

  17. Emory

    andrea, i would be inclined to not give out my personal info unless I absolutely trusted the source. I wouldn’t think that giving info like that to eHarmony for billing or whatever would be made available to users. But, always verify. My .02 worth.

  18. andrea

    I also do not have low self esteem! Im divorced after 22 years and i think im ready to begin dating. i cant see myself in a club either, but before i try the online dating site eharmony i have a question whether its appropriate to publish your real name and address? I am a bit worried about security, i have been married for a very long time and am not “seasoned” as the next person might be.

  19. Dustin

    I did eharmony for a bit. As a Jewish guy, this was a mistake. That alone cut my matches down quite a bit and the ones that I did get seemed to be mainly single Moms, which isn’t a bad thing, but just not what I am looking for. I did enjoy the lengthy questions list. Also, I noticed far fewer fake profiles on this site and only once got hit up by a fake ‘Nigerian money scam’ style contact. I ended up using this site for about six months, had a brief relationship, and generally found that this wasn’t for me. I’m doing the whole Jdate thing now, had a decent date today, so we’ll see how that goes.

  20. Doug

    Very good review, Liora. Indeed, many women my age – 40s – and perhaps myself without knowing) have put roadblocks up which impede success with the opposite sex. Many women, despite being in teir 40s have never married, are very tough minded, overly career-driven, have kids, are extremely close to family, have almost given up on men, etc… Their cadre of women friends probably discourages success in the dating process, too.

    I’m on as I divorced. I’ve found most of the women (thankfully not all) very picky and less interested in men than they were when they were younger. Actually, if not for their longing for sex, I think many would quit.

    They are no longer looking for love. And too independent.

  21. Alan

    I just tried eHarmony & they said I was agreeable but that they could not possibly find a match for me this actually happens to 1 in 5 people which I find quite a high number of people the can’t match it seems to me if your a middle of the road kinda person then eharmony is not for you, you must have strong view for it to be able to match you.

  22. Cynthia

    I tried eharmony back in 2002-2003. I did try it because I am a conservative Christian and knew that most potential matches would likely be Christians. It has been pretty well publicized that the site was founded and operated based on more traditional Christian values of relationships and marriage, so I’m surprised that a self-described atheist or “spiritual” person would have tried to find someone on eharmony.

    Anyway, I got tons of matches and met up with 3 of them. One of the first people I communicated with told me he usually dates “model-types” ~ which didn’t appeal to me since first of all, I doubted that was true and secondly, who says that? I replied that I know what he means ~ I only go for GQ types myself. So, three LAME dates later, I gave up. All of the guys were “spiritual” in their communications, but actually were all pretty wimpy and I don’t think any of them really knew what they believed. One of the guys was unemployed for a long time with no aspirations.

    Overall, I found the process very tiresome and not worth the effort. In order to even view more matches, I had to expand the geographical area and then I was getting matches across the country, which just wasn’t going to work.

    Funny thing is, I have several friends who also tried, and even though one tries online “dating” to meet people they might not otherwise meet and most people claim to have a very open-minded, casual attitude about their potential success, when matches didn’t pan out, it was still crushing. To spend all that time getting to the point of a date (match, closed communication, questionnaires, back and forth until open communication…blah blah blah) and then zero chemistry in person…very disappointing.

    I’m married now to someone I became friends with first. Maybe I was so open to getting to know him because I wasn’t thinking of him as a potential partner ~ at least not until I started to see all of the great qualities in his character. Didn’t pay a thing to meet the best husband. Just opened my heart to someone no online dating service ever would have matched me with.

  23. Suzy

    I found the opposite to be the case for me. I signed up for eharmony for one day, recently. I am a Christian and I feel strongly about it so I mentioned ‘God’ and my faith in my profile. Right off the bat I got a response from a guy who had mentioned God and faith all over his profile. So I joined for a 1 month subscription. Well I went through all that ‘guided communication’ stuff and things were going well but when we got to must haves and can’t stands, he abruptly ended communication. I don’t get it since my can’t stands had all to do with bad qualities such as lying cheating, etc. I picked must be compatible with me politically as I feel its important on must haves and I guess they may have turned him away.

    All my other matches may have ‘Christian’ as their religious choice but none of the matches mention anything else about their conviction to their faith. I find the inability to directly contact your match frustrating as you really can’t go by the strict choices they give you in the guided questions, likes etc. In this there is no way to let my personality shine through and I don’t like people controlling my actions as I felt was the case on eHarmony. So, that being said, I feel its better to do some good research and find a good Christian dating site that is far cheaper and has less restrictions. I suspect if I do that I will find more people who mention ‘God’ and faith in their profiles.

    I am not trying to downplay those of you who feel the oppostie. I am just very dissapointed with Eharmony and felt like venting. (-: Plus, I went to some site where there were tons of people complaining about the subscription scamming on eHarmony. A lot of people had negative stuff to say so that prompted me to close my account and cancel my subscription renewal.

  24. Lee

    I too find that internet dating websites don’t really work.
    Caution is usually perceive as playing game and not honest.
    And first impression from photo take too much emphasis on getting the right match to be interested in you.

    But in reality, i believe people are usually attractive because of their personality rather than a few photo impressions. Nope, dating online websites just don’t work for me.

  25. Jo-Anne

    I tried eharmony, and it did not work for me at all. Neither has any other dating company and this is because I got sick of men lying about their age, appearance and job. Be HONEST!!! As for the chap above who thinks that women are too independant – grow up! Women ARE looking for love but we don’t base our need for love on sex. Why should women not be picky? Men are! Why should I have to settle for a fat balding guy instead of enjoying the company of a lovely decent man who has taken care of himself properly? One man I was foolish enough to arrange a date with had sent me photos that were over 15 years old, whoops…he lied about his age, he dressed like a slob and got incredibly drunk – at which point I got a taxi home. I could not tell all of this from his phone calls, letters etc. It also did not matter to me that he was quite wealthy, was a top engineer and this and that – he was a complete and utter waste of time. Please God, send decent men into the world, instead of just giving them a twelve pack of bud and JD as a best pal!

  26. JJ

    E-Harmony – what a disappointment! 9 months of using the site and of the nearly 342 matches, only 4 were within a 70 mile radius. It appears that if you are in a place like central MN, take a pass. If you are in a major population center, give it a try.

  27. Shelley

    You know, things don’t always work out the way you want them to. I was scheduled to get married three years ago, but we called it off two months before the wedding. I had not dated since that time, not because I’m bitter, but because I wanted to utilize my ‘me’ time. Now I’m ready again, but I didn’t really want to go out to the clubs like I used to, so I decided to give eHarmony a try.

    Initially, I signed up for eHarmony for three months. During that time I received over 300 respectable looking matches. Of those, I met two – I’m a little picky and prefer those geographically close. eHarmony has been a great tool that has made me excited about a relationship again. I was afraid the process was going to overwhelm me, but it’s quite manageable, fun and non-invasive.

    My three months then expired, so I extended it — All though, there’s a little more to this story. Before extending my membership I decided to check out one of the other popular online dating services. Below is an actual excerpt of an e-mail I sent to an eHarmony match I received days after extending my membership. It’s my first email to him following the ‘Guided Communication’ stage.

    …It looks like we’ve made it into the communications wilderness now – HA. It’s no longer guided. Actually, I think the process is pretty cool. In relation to it, I have a small secret to tell you. I may have a slight advantage?! You may find this interesting … I joined eHarmony 3 months ago for the first time, which just recently expired. I liked it, but a friend kept harping re Match.com. Sooooo, before I decided to extend the EH plan, I checked it out. I entered a small amount of criteria and up popped over 100 guys, pictures and all. I looked at most, but then determined it seemed too much like a free for all. I‘m not a member, but I’m still getting faces e-mailed to me every other day. Please note that I don’t want to demean it in any way — It appears to have been great for many people, and that’s cool!!!

    Anyway, I’ll move on to the juicy part… So I ultimately decided to extend the eHarmony plan. A day or two later I received your match. I thought, hhhhmmm, he looks really familiar, have I seen him around the city? It was tripping me out. I thought that I knew you from somewhere, but then it finally dawned on me (which I was glad to get to the bottom of it). I saw and read about you on Match :) I had to go back and shuffle through the faces to confirm, there you were. I remembered having an interest in you, but I wasn’t going to join, so it became moot. Then a couple days later you get dropped off into my shopping cart – HA. I don’t know why, but it cracks me up to refer to it that way. Anyway, I guess I’ve just read a little more about you, that’s all. I think I would want to know this story :) Anyway, hello. Nice meet you through correspondence. I suppose the next step is to meet in person – sounds fun. Rather than talk on the phone, I’d like to make a plan to meet in person, if that will work for you?…

    Well, that’s it. The story above tells why I’m still on eHarmony today. And coincidentally, the very day I write this, I’ll be meeting the recipient of the above for the first time at a local restaurant. I’m excited. You may want to hear more later…

  28. Mike

    E-harmony is a disappoint. I have had over 2200 matches sent to me. I have had a date with 3. Many of the matches are not even in my city. In fact less than 10% of these match lived in my home town. If I didn’t expand the search to 300 miles and allow for weekly drinkers and daily smokers I wouldn’t have any matches.

    I would tell you not to use this service. It is not worth the money.
    They will send you matches from people who are non paying members and can not communicate. They will send you matches from people who are no longer paying members the best is the matches they send you that are no longer available, These people have deleted their profiles but E-harmony sends them to you as match.
    E-harmony is a joke, save your money.

  29. sandra

    You know, Liora–I think this is one of the best reviews of dating services I’ve come across. You are dead on when you say that the most important thing these sites may end up doing for us is to force us into looking (and looking more honestly) at ourselves. As for my personal experience with these websites–I’ve only done eHarmony so can’t compare. I have not found love there (and in fact had a rather startling and heart-breaking experience with a man I met there) but that’s not the website’s fault. As the author says here–people are people, on-line, in church or at the park. Loving yourself well enough to not let your heart (and maybe your loneliness) completely override your intuition is paramount. Thanks for an excellent review.

  30. Jennifer

    Liora, I love this review! I have been telling my friends this exact concept is that these are the same guys we work with, in the bar or at church. But the difference is they are putting in a little effort into dating. I first joined and was mis-led by eharmony that these guys are more serious about dating then the rest of the guys dating. I would meet eharmony dates and if the date did not work out it must be eharmony or myself’s fault. But reality is they are the winners or losers we date all the time. I met a guy I thought would be perfect for me on Eharmony, then he proceeded to get stinking drunk and tried to go home with me. And that is when I knew I could of met this guy at a bar and the same result what have happened. We never talked afterwards. The whole process has opened my eyes of the traits I need in a relationship and that if I am not interested I am not going to waste my time in dating someone which can not fulfill my needs of wanting a marriage.

  31. Jake Benjamin

    I tried eharmony two times, separated by about 6 months, about 3 years ago. I met three women through eHarmony. One was still married. She was indignant and said she was “separated.” Another was 15 years younger than me, rather smart in a nerdy sort of a way, totally inexperienced sexually, and lives 600 miles away from me. She was cute but not pretty. We spend three weekends together and talked on the phone for about 10 months before it was time to end it. I spoke on the phone with three other women, none who lived near me and all of whom were rather flaky or very neurotic. None were good matches, although I admit I remained friends (email friends) with two of them. I do not recommend eHarmony to anyone.

  32. Hannah

    I have to say that I have had a good experience with e-harmony. While I will admit it isn’t for everyone and I haven’t met the “man of my dreams” yet I have gone on dates with some good guys! The first one went really well and I should have pursued it further but I ended up meeting someone else a few months later and never continued the relationship (which I do regret now). The second date went alright as well. There wasn’t any chemistry there though and he was a little different than he seemed online, so when the date was over we both mutually agreed that the chemistry just wasn’t there and that was it. I also had a lot of great email and phone conversations with someone who lived a few states away from me but we never did end up meeting. There were plenty of other guys on the site I talked to but I wont go into all of those. Either way, as earlier mentioned…I did end up meeting someone (not off the internet) and dated him for about a year. That relationship has just recently ended and I also moved to a new place where I don’t know many people so I decided to go back to eharmony, having had a good experience the first time I used it, and have been going through the motions again. I will agree that it is time consuming but I also find that I like most of the men I get matched with. They all have the general same qualities I am looking for so now its just about finding the right one with the right chemistry and getting back out in the dating world! I do hope that this time around God will use eharmony to bring the right guy into my life so that I can stop using this dating site! lol

  33. Greg

    I was a member of Eharmony for several years. I had no luck to speak of. I’m a single father of a now 9 year old girl.

    After considering all my options, I decided to see if my luck might be better with foreign women. I opened up to Eastern Europe and received a handful of prospects. One really hit it off well with me and we became more than friends quickly.

    Only problem is, I learned the Ms wright is still married. Oh she told me a month into it that she was going through a divorce, that was a lie..she never filed. Then she told me her “ex” comes to visit and stays on the couch, im sure that’s a lie, and then she finally tells me a couple weeks ago she hasnt filed yet, but is going too. I accepted this cuz I’m stupid (and fell in love). Now she says she cant be with me because she just realized I had lied to her about when I said I was married in Vegas last time, apparently in some email I wrote earlier I said I lived my life, did school, worked married and divorced in California. Now she says Im obviously untruthful.

    I think she is trying to make herself feel better by finding lies in some form. What do you think?

  34. C

    I read over all the comments and 10/11 comments were negative (that’s not good). Anyways, I tried out EH for a bit and I ran into a situation similar to one of the other respondents. I went on three dates and it was disappointing to find that the person in the photos looked significantly different than the person that I met. I’m not shallow and I’m only saying this because I’m attracted to women that are on the small/thin/athletic side. But, all three women outweighed me by 20-30 lbs. looking at the pictures it didn’t seem that way (by the way, if you’re still doing the EH thing, and you’re having the same issue, be wary of women with just headshots and old photos in their profile). I’m 5’10”, in good shape, and I weigh 170 lbs., and these women were shorter and a lot heavier. Like I said, I’m just not attracted to “big” women (some guys are, and that’s fine, nothing wrong with that). My point is that I spent $100.00 to meet women to whom I was not attracted to whatsoever. Unfortunately, EHs algorithms seem to leave out important factors like physical attraction and the guided communication is far too mechanical and doesn’t leave room for actually getting to know someone. In fact, towards the end, I started circumnavigating the “guided” communication even though that was supposedly a big risk (nothing worth doing is easy or involves no risk). Luckily, EH was a fairly inexpensive mistake. Anyways, I’m going to chalk it up to experience and stick to the “traditional” way to meet people. By the way, I know someone is probably going to get offended and think that I’m an a** for saying what I did. But, before you judge me, I would like to say it was difficult to go on dates with women that you knew from the minute you met, that it was not going any further. I was always a gentleman and I made the best of the situation. Good luck if you’re still on the EH wagon.

  35. N

    Hey I haven’t read all the comments, but I’m a white female, under 21, atheist and I was accepted. Also, I get at least 10 matches per day.

  36. G

    Hi,

    I joined eHarmony several months back but did not give it any interest. Recently I decided to subscribe and so went to look at the matches that had been sent over the last few months.

    I must admit at first I was quite impressed but with each passing profile I was more disappointed. Firstly I specifically mentioned I wanted kids as a personal preference and it was very important to me but still had several matches of women over 40 which struck me as odd.

    I chose my ethnicity and a few others just to be flexible but kept getting several African American matches. So I do not understand the point of asking you to choose your options.

    A lot of the matches seemed unresponsive which led me to wonder if they were genuine or fictitious. Still undecided but as eHarmony advised try and communicate to as many as possible so I did and just thought even if I dont find a partner I could make a few friends along the way..not much luck there…lol

    Ohh and for the misleading pictures i was very shocked to see very young and attractive looking pictures and then one or two pictures of much older or bigger looking ones snuck in. I thought it was quite deceptive as most of the women if not all said honesty was the most important quality in a man they were looking for.

    “Honesty” REALLY??? lol . Cant really blame eHarmony for that one. But be warned that happens.

    And last of all I did meet one who said she did not subscribe to eHarmony but managed to send me her email contact as an email which I am pretty sure is not possible unless you are a member. Right? The jury is still out on that one.

  37. J

    I’ve had mixed result w/ eharmony. The first time I used it was 3 years ago. I met my ex-bf right away, he was the second guy I went out with. We had great 2 years together but it ultimately didn’t work out. Three years later, I’m using it again.

    The first time, the matches I recieved were great, the men were educated, attractive, and all were near by. I only used the site for a month. I stated I’m Christian, my ex-bf is Jewish and I’m Asian! : )

    The second time, the matches don’t seem as good. I’m getting a lot more matches w/ older men. I guess now that I’m over 35, I’m just not getting the matches I would like.

  38. marga

    I read the comments here. I want to tell you guys that scammers and mind players are everywhere. In fairness,it is NOT exclusive to eharmony alone. Go to match.com,and a thousand other online dating sites they are aplenty. Terrible I tell you! I know I met a lot of them and because I’ve been around a dozen of online dating sites. At match.com, I customized my search to men of ages40-45 yet I still received matches like 48-60. Another thing, should you discover that your date is different from what you saw in his/her profile that is not the responsibility of the dating site. Blame it to the person. He/she is responsible for everything posted there. I’m also wondering why you guys don’t seem to know of the risks of online dating. Those horrible experiences you have are really bound to happen and thus will always be. You are here therefore don’t complain of any negative turnaround.

    And by the way we have been warned time and again of its dangers– I repeat, nothing here is fool-proof. There are members in online dating sites who are scammers. But just be lucky you meet a real good one. See I don’t generalize bec I do believe there are also real honest men on dating sites. very few maybe…

  39. Michelle

    Well after going the bar gamut, I decided to take a deeper approach and give eHarmony. I was matched with over 200 men 10 matches daily and I would go through them all. Some I would start the question process or some send an icebreaker to see if they wanted to cut to the emailing. I did get a little frustrated at first with the distance and the age of the men that eHarmony was matching me up with. So I called eHarmony and had them walk me through refining my matches. And then a day or two later I opened my matches to find one face in particular that seemed kind and goofy and I decided to click on the details to see what he was all about. I liked the way he answered the questions and was curious about him not because of his looks but because of his answers and comments. I decided to cut to the chase since he only lived 5 miles from my home. Hey why not just meet this guy for a drink? We text back and fourth for a bit and made a plan to meet. And we did..He had a gregarious personality and we just hit it off almost like we had been old friends meeting up after a long hiatus. He said something to me like..your like a hot version of me. We had very similar qualities, likes, wants, expectations, creativity, etc. So we continued the process of getting to know each other and still are today as friends and a couple. I remember him telling me that he had met one other woman on EHarmony and it just didn’t work out for him and then the next day he opened it up to find me, exactly what he was asking for..It’s funny how this worked out. This whole time my match lived right in my back yard really. I would have never found him nor him me, if we hadn’t taken the chance with E Harmony. Give it a shot what do you have to lose!

  40. Jason

    I am on E-Harmony (again). They have a deal going on and I tend to try out dating sites randomly in between relationships when I spot a deal. I’m 34 now though and it really is getting tougher to find anyone. People like to pretend that age is jut a number and you can find someone as easily in your thirties as you did in your twenties but that just isn’t true. I don’t want to go to a bar and get drunk and I have a lot of responsibilities that keep me from socializing. Anyway, I am getting matched with a bunch of overweight women that are way older than what I said i was interested in. Maybe that’s just the way it is but if it is….no thanks. I’m glad that I’m okay w/ being single because if it was THAT important to me I would be seriously bummed at the prospects out there. Word to the wise: if you want to be married be sure to grab someone when you are 25-30. Anything over that is going to get pretty scarce.

    • Scott

      Jason, I’m in the same boat as you, same age. I spent my 20s building my career and working my butt off and then ran into a medical problem that has since been resolved. I have found that in my early 30′s the women I met were only interested in snagging anyone that could give them a ring or kids, as if they were running out of time – something I just couldn’t do at the moment, but am ready now. Today, the only women interested in me are at least ten years older and are no where near the type of person I would be compatible. with. I’m cool with being single – a lot of my friends are envious of that and I would certainly rather build a life and future alone than with someone I couldn’t enjoy being around. Maybe I will have to wait until some of the women I was interested in get divorced.

  41. thexder

    Jason, if that’s true then men are screwed big time. Period. It’s practically impossible to get any relationships started for the vast majority of men during university/college – everything is basically ‘finding yourself’ or ‘no strings attached’ relationships which fizzle out rather quick, assuming any relations exist at all. The experiences of those who’ve found their match is DROWNED OUT by those still single. Compare it to a drop in the bucket vs the ocean. Is one truly useless as a human being unless one can find a relationship within that 20-30 year gap? With divorce rates and celebrity worship it’s only gonna get worse. I feel bummed out about life right about now.

  42. Tyson

    Well, after reading all of your success and failure stories, I’ll give you my situation for what it’s worth. I’ve been on eharmony since December of 2003. That’s 7 years people. Did eharmony guarantee me true love? I guess that would depend on a certain perspective. Now this is where I might seem a little superficial, but I believe I’m entitled to what I’m attracted to. As you know, the site doesn’t let you specifically choose your physical preferences for your matches. I bent the rules, and blatantly put down in the “In your own words” section that I’m attracted to physically fit or average built brown-eyed brunettes. Most of the matches that contact me are overweight, or remotely resemble the description of my ideal mate. I’ve given a few of them a chance, but realized that it just wasn’t doing it for me. It felt sh**** to go on a few dates with these people and make them feel like I was actually attracted to them and then one day just telling them that I wasn’t all there for a relationship. I was living a lie and it was unfair for them. It never fails to inspire me how all of the beautiful brown-eyed brunettes that view my profile either instantly close me out or never respond to my desires to communicate. Once in a blue moon, there will be one charmer that will go out of her way to contact me first and we carry on the communication until her free trial period ran out and all communication with her would be automatically closed. I really hate you eharmony for letting this happen as well as not living up to your reputation for finding what seems to be for everyone else but me, true love. I was a 28 year old bachelor when I joined, and now I’m a 35 year old one. Yes, I suck at meeting women outside of internet dating primarily because let’s see, hmmm, they all have boyfriends, fiances, or are married. I’m usually not all that negative, I’m just getting tired of not finding the right one.

  43. Jody

    Eharmony stinks! Firstly it will allow you to spend an hour filling in questionnaires before rejecting you for being separated and not divorced. Lots of us are in that position and we are not all monsters. some if us even stay married because of our faith!

    This weekend the site promises free communication and has had a TV advertising campaign too. Can you communicate for free? NO. Every time you try to post , the subscription page comes up. For a Christian site this is either deliberately dishonest or just plain incompetence.
    I am going to disappear like Cinderella at midnight tonight from my useless free trial. Don’t touch it with a bargepole!

  44. brett

    ha filled in all the questions and it came back they could not match me with ANYONE – what a load of BS !! – and their so called “scientific” personality assessment ?? yea right

    they DONT ask if you have any disabilities – or mind if the other person has any which is discriminatory IMO but one of the first questions – AS USUAL -income?? – like materialistic values such as this are important – but i guess in today’s society – they are very much so – well i pity people who base their quest for love on such a pathetic baseline

    don’t waste your time folks !!

  45. Jared

    I will share my unbias and fair view so far on my 3 year experience on eH.

    Positives: I think eH has a good reputation since the founder is Chrisitan and I truly think and have faith that he wants his customers to have success. The matching process is different and unique, but thats a good thing. Answering those 200 questions are annoying, but its worth it.

    Negatives: I wish eH would tell you who are currently paying customers. And its a little expensive.

    My views on the type of women I have came across so far while been on the site.

    I would say half of the women I have came across treat online dating like a game. I have had a few women tell me straight up that they don’t take this seriously and there just on it for a month bc a girlfriend put her up to it. I respect the honesty from thos women, but I found it to be very frustrating.

    And another very irritating trend I have seen from eH women is that MANY of women don’t post a picture of themselves. Give me a break. I personally think no matter what one looks like, you should post a picture.

    And another pet peeve from eH women. When you post a total of 20 words on your entire page. Once again, that tells me one isn’t taking this whole eH communication thing SERIOUSLY.

    I have also came across a few scamers and NEVER give in to anybody who is from another country and they want you to send them some money.

    And the biggest thing I have learned from my three years of trying eH is that the turnover rate with your matches is EXTREMELY HIGH. I just wanted to throw that out there bc it is true.

    Good luck and God Bless you while on your journey in life!

  46. Kris

    I was on e-harmony several years back. The one thing I knew for myself was; I did NOT want to have a relationship with an addict having just come out of a relationship with an addict and experiencing first hand all the problems that caused.

    EVERY person I was matched with was an addict of some sort, alcohol (some in recovery, others not), cigarettes, gambling, drugs. Perhaps there is something in my profile that labels me ‘enabler,’ but I knew there was no way I was going to even try to have a relationship with any of the people eH matched me with.

    Still looking, but getting settled into the possibility of spending the rest of my life single.

    Total waste of time and money.

  47. beng

    I mean it, this dating site thing feels like that expensive shirt you get at the store you don’t wear after the summer. Aside from not going out I didn’t even get a single communication. It seems like the natural process of the bar does a better job and it has not been my friend. Checking to see if it was maybe worth a try back to the girls that I am not seeking for a long term relationship, that have spontaneous lower self esteems, commitment problems, not healthy partners and else…I guess. As if my computer could be more useful then in college

  48. Sarah Lally

    I registered my information free on eharmony just to see if what is says on the pack is true.I give a false name and I got lots of matches sent to me. One was a guy I was actually my boyfriend of twelve months. This guy told me he loved me but now I know he was only using me and was going to keep me in his back pocket. So I got a shock and for that reason I was glad to find out what he was up to. I did not tell him about my find but decided to ask did we have a future together and he said he was not interested in a serious relationship or wanted to get married. I realized that he was not interested in me or either he just wanted to play the field. I was glad I discovered the truth and finished with him. I joined a social club with all kinds of sports and met a really nice gentleman. EH does not allow you write a genuine profile about yourself they have select questions they ask you. I did not subscribe as I feel I would be wasting my money.

  49. Sharon

    Sarah I am so sorry that you feel since you can not do your own bio the site is not for you . This site was done by a psychologist in order to obtain the measures of compatibility everyone need to be answering the same questions. I am a very active 60 y/o and have been on other sites getting requests from all the wrong men. With EH. All of the men sent my way are great matches. I have only been involved for 3 weeks and have not made any choices yet but the quality is superb. I am constantly saying to myself where the heck have these men been all my life.

  50. Peggy

    I met my husband on eharmony after dating online on other sites for years yes YEARS, I would never have chosen him on my own I would have overlooked him. I would have gone for the super uber extroverted guy who was fun for 6 months but not for life! If you’re in your 30′s or 40′s and you still aren’t attached go on this website give the guy/gal you get to a date with a chance and go out a few times. If you get to only a few dates then good riddance you spend a lot less money and time on someone you aren’t compatible with one more heartbreak missed. Good luck with your search.

  51. lfbn

    As nearly as I can tell, eHarmony refuses to match users with anyone if they admit to some combination of no religious faith, any history of mental illness or interest in same-sex experiences. Out of a dozen acquaintances, I only know one person who was able to make it through the profile process without eHarmony’s “Sorry but we won’t help you.” message.

    Personally, I have no idea how well the site works, because by its criteria, I’m not even fit to try it.

    • DatingSitesXO
      Dating Sites XO

      Didn’t know that eHarmony doesn’t match those with mental illness in their history. I seem to recall that there was a lawsuit about same-sex matching and eHarmony ended up creating a site for same-sex matching.

  52. lfbn

    There are a few questions about mental illness or depression in their interview. From discussions I have had on other sites, it appears to be a deal-breaker for using eHarmony.

  53. Michele

    I found their black dating site eharmony.com/black-dating to be good at finding matches for me. Creating a profile does take a long time compared to other sites but it seemed to be time well spent since the results were more targeted.

  54. Beatrice Livingsberth

    I talked to four guys at length and got nowhere with 500 or so and spent a TON of money.

    The first guy wanted to jump into something right away and when I wanted to take it slower he told me that he had met someone and that he didn’t want to talk anymore.

    The second guy was a VERY angry police officer who had an angry outburst on our VERY BORING date.

    The third guy kept asking me to meet him in a hotel for weeks and then when I kept saying no, it. Turned out that he had a fiancée that I found out about accidentally.

    The fourth guy came from another city and wasted my weekend only to go home and block me and tell me several days later that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend.

    WOW…so much for my personality and getting fixed up “scientifically”.
    I can’t begin to tell people how disappointing my experience was with EHarmony. It morphed me into a jaded young woman in six short months.

    Maybe someone else will have good luck.
    My luck means nothing…it is just what happened to me.
    Good Luck!

  55. Frank Wild

    For the sake of argument, let’s allow that people know themselves well enough, and are honest enough, to complete an ‘accurate’ profile…

    Problem is, the assumption that my perfect partner is someone just like me is fundamentally flawed. Relationships are not that simple. This is pseudo-science.

  56. Dating Sites XO
    Dating Sites XO

    Just found out that the eHarmony same-sex dating site is compatiblepartners.net

  57. mike

    eharmony is pretty much garbage for the hefty price it costs you. The ‘matches’ are more random than anything and more often than not don’t even follow your preferences.

    The eh guided communication system is ridiculous, clunky and childish. I have a pretty bad opinion of eh but I’m glad if it helped some others find their match. For me it has been a complete waste of time and money.

  58. jstor

    eHarmony is only out to take your money. Don’t waist your time.

    • Dating Sites XO
      Dating Sites XO

      Is that based on your experience, jstor or just a general observation?

  59. Kelly

    Honestly, not worth the huge expense, because I was a victim of a sociopath, whom I was “compatible” with according to the Doctors questions. We were matched, in 2007, went through the communication process as directed on the site, dated, were engaged and subsequently married. And for those who do not know a sociopath can have manipulative tendencies, and can be quite “charming”/con artist. After we were married; I went through verbal and emotional abuse by him. He essentially preyed on any weakness he saw in me. And none of this came out until after we were married. He was financially irresponsible, and conned thousands of dollars out of me during a very short marriage. I have lost my job due to the economy, gone through a divorce, he has adversely affected my credit by leaving me with ‘marital debt’ and I would be homeless right now if it wasn’t for a friend.

    So, if the psychological profile to determine compatibility was so thorough, it should pick up on someone with this sort of psychosis.

    If you want to meet someone, do it the old fashioned way, and pay for criminal background checks, etc. Bottom line, eHarmony had facilitated a Sociopath, a predator of the worst kind to meet and take advantage of a very good, old-fashioned woman. I was also hospitalized because of all of the verbal and emotional abuse I experienced while married to him. I would advise everyone to not waste your money this way. You’d be better off paying a private investigator to look into criminal and personal history, and then paying for them to go through a psychological evaluation.

  60. Emory

    Kelly, I’m sorry to hear that all these terrible things happened. I guess there is no matching system that can screen for this kind of guy.

  61. Jane

    I found the most useful things were the articles about dating – most were common sense – more than the mass of supposedly compatible men. I wouldn’t have minded less men coming through, than the amount of men with no photos, men who eh wrote had been ‘active in the last 3 weeks’ which really meant they’d already left the site! and profiles that honestly had nothing in common with me. Yes I met some men, but …

    I imagine it’s better for younger people – in their 30s.
    If you go for e-h, you need to have a full life and a light hearted response to it and a good sense of humour :) but are you willing to potentially lose a lot of time looking?

  62. Daniel

    What a complete waste of money eharmony is! Its supposedly in depth! There’s not even options to ask your potential partners if the like pets, the outdoors etc!!! They do the searching for you so you don’t have to! That’s sounds brilliant, but you only get about 6 matches a day, and of those there’s a massively high chance they are not what your looking for, so i’d probably find a perfect profile by the time i was 99.

    Customer care are useless so if a problem does arise, there’s a very good chance they wont resolve it. Ow and did i mention the don’t do refunds! Not happy, only plus is its easy to navigate around the site!

  63. al

    I just started today with eharm— Its seems ridiculous. You can’t work the site — the site works you– Seems very difficult just to communicate in a simple way with someone. If I have this right you can’t search for someone they search for you. The whole thing just seems odd and confusing. I received matches from all over and if I cut it to 20 miles 2 matches. What do you do with that? 500 questions what is that all about? The answers are in absolutes unless you want to make notes after every entry. They told me I could cancel if not satisfied in the first 3 days — so we’ll see.

  64. Sharon

    Hi al,

    I would like to attempt to bring another view in sight. I do believe that neither party is able to browse a library for prospects. The whole point of e-harmony is that your match is picked via a psychological system that pair you in accordance to the higher probabilities of compatibility. this process eliminate you making choices based on looks.

    Secondly it lessen, not eliminates, the possibility of a prospect giving lip service just to impress. I do hope that this give you another view. There are plenty of sites that allow you full access of a library of prospects for you to view.

  65. ChrisJ

    Your review is accurate, Liora, as I was a member for four months. Here’s my analysis of eHarmony:

    Subscriber for 3 months, won extra month from caption contest
    Received 504 profiles
    211 women viewed my profile
    80 of them closed out
    I blocked 68 of them (not a fan or liberals with dogs that live 100+ miles away)
    54 profiles had minimal information (reported a few of these to eH)
    139 ladies were unable or couldn’t be bothered to reply to my Stage 1 commo or close out (but at least 80 others did)
    I hid 233 profiles (because it’s a pain to hide, go back into their profile and block..and sometimes you’re unable to block, which I found strange)

    Had 10 ladies reply to at least Stage 1 and progress to other Stages, with ONE getting to eH Mail (got her email/ph# and awaiting her response)

    Did think it was an incredible coincidence that I had SEVEN profile views the day before my subscription was set to expire; two of them were from ladies I send Stage 1 commo back in February!

    Can say with a high degree of certainty that this wasn’t worth the time, aggravation or expense. However, everyone’s experience is different and your mileage may vary. I think that the ladies get bombarded with commo and guys really have to stand out, or just take a beating like I did…and they want the guy with $$, great job, nice car, etc. Feedback from “Lori” about my profile rewrite was helpful and reporting concerns were handled quickly..and I didn’t run across scammers like I did on Match.com

    Can’t say it’s been fun, but it was…interesting and I learned about myself during the process (but the personality profile on me was off…I’m not emotional!).

  66. Scott

    I got this message after completing the eHarmony survey:

    We’re sorry —
    we are unable to find the
    right type of people for you

    Every time I log in I get this message and can’t do anything about my profile. It would be nice if they could tell why their service was not meant for me.

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